The Life of Artem Milevskiy's Lovechild

The Columbine High School Massacre

2011-09-20T04:04:00.001+01:00

Ever since I seen Michael Moore's documentary "Bowling for Columbine" about gun crime in America and in particularly the Columbine High School massacre, I've became obsessed about that whole event. I've read in depth and have seen most of the evidence and information that has became public so I think it's about time I share my views as a lot of people have an opinion that seems to not show the bigger picture.

For those who don't know this event; on April 20th 1999 in the Denver suburb of Littleton, Colorado, two students of Columbine High School killed 12 students and 1 teacher before committing suicide. There are a million and one other things that surrounds this and I'm going to highlight some of what I feel are the important things to know about the two sole planners and perpetrators of the shootings; Eric "Reb" Harris and Dylan "voDKa" Klebold.

Dylan Klebold was a bright young kid who did well in school. He met Brooks Brown in first day of first grade, instantly became best friends. Brooks Brown said that it was probably because they were the only "tall, gorky uncoordinated kids". The theory that he was targeted by bullies because he didn't like sports are false, as he was in the schools Baseball team. Dylan's up bringing was unspectacular, perhaps a typical American kid.

Eric Harris was a well traveled kid. He never got to settle down anywhere until the age of 12 when the Harris' settled in Littleton. His father, Wayne Harris, was a pilot in the Army, meaning that the family would move area depending on his transfers. Both Eric's mother and father worked constantly, which meant Eric was given free run of the house and was pretty much left alone to develop his independence. Later, it would become frighteningly clear how the lack of support, love and attention that anyone gave to Eric would drive him away. It would also become obvious that there would have been countless opportunities to expose the huge amount of evidence that was stored in his house, that if discovered, would have surely have prevented what was then, the worst school massacre in US history. It's estimated that the assault on the school took Eric and Dylan a whole year to plan, meaning that for a whole year, no one knew what the two teenagers were going through.

Eric and Dylan met in 1993. A year later, Eric and Dylan became almost inseparable. This is a 5 years before the massacre. Together in 1996, they started high school, aged 15. One of Dylan's friends, Devon Adams, invited Dylan to her 16th birthday. She described him as fairly normal, if a little shy. As he grew older he developed a darker, sinister personality. This started to become evident, both on the outside and in. Dylan and Eric both kept personal journals, which the police released later after 4/20. These would reveal personal emotions. He wrote "Happiness, I never got it". Good interaction was something Dylan never had. He didn't have girlfriends, he socially liaise with others unless he was with someone he knew. There was one pupil at the school Dylan was in love with and confided in his diary. Eric Harris had a huge crush on Devon, however at the time Devon was dating one of his friends. He blamed her for trying to take away his friend away from Eric and Dylan. In my opinion, Dylan's journal suggested to me that he suffered from extremely low self esteem, depression that I must stress that most teenagers would go through, such as; not having a girl friend and not being accepted. Eric's journals seemed to be filled with hate for the world because the world invented him, and then rejected him. Dwanye Fuselier, an FBI Investigator who led the investigation in the after math, says that Dylan brought suicidal thoughts and tendencies, while Eric Harris had hate and homicidal tendencies, bringing together a deadly friendship.

For a couple of years before the shootings, several home made videos were recorded by Eric and Dylan. These showed various ways of their world and feelings. Almost all of them show feeling of hate and violence. Some of these included short movies long the lines of what they were thinking at that time; reacting to bullies. Perhaps more interestingly, in a few of these they would wear clothes similar to the ones they wore on 4/20. One particular video, taken just 5 months before the attack, demonstrated their every day life and how they wanted to address them. During the video, they get a friend to play a student who is being bullied. Cue Eric and Dylan emerging into Columbine High School, dressed in caps, sunglasses and trench coats. It's a dress rehearsal (quite literally) of the attack. Moments later, they track down and kill the bully. At the end of it, the very much seen bursts of rage from Eric and Dylan are blasted to the camera. Other videos showed shooting practice in forests, improving accuracy for the attack. Others showed the arsenal of weapons, ammo and various explosives that Eric Harris stored in his room and basement. Again, it would expose the clear neglect shown to Eric. The infamous "Basement tapes" which were recorded in Harris' basement has never been revealed to the public and indeed, they have only been shown once, to the victims families. Various rumours and reports suggest these tapes hold the real answers as to why they done it. For this reason, in an attempt to prevent any attempt to copy such an event, they will likely never be released. Despite this and all other reactions in the past 12 years such as much tightened security around schools, fantasies like those Eric and Dylan had will never be preventable and all over the world, are sympathisers and even supporters. Perhaps the truth, if it exists in the basement tapes, would end a lot of peoples fantasies, after all, understanding and condoning are two completely different things.

Columbine High School has a rich and prestige reputation of being very good at sports. This constant flow throughout the school set Eric and Dylan instantly apart from everyone else, thus resulting in them being targets. The thing is, this situation is evident in almost every high school in the world. There are ranks within social status. At Columbine, "Jocks" (the school's athletes) sat at the top of the table. Bullies mostly sat very high too, perhaps because people feared them. Eric and Dylan were seen as outcasts, resulting in them being at the very bottom. Brooks Brown described them as being the lowest, the most uncool kids in the entire school. Both knew this and in journals both were noted. Devon Adams said she was challenged by a Jock because she was seen talking to Dylan. The bullying of Eric and Dylan happened every day, like most school bully victims it was expected and to an extend, tolerated. A fantastic quote from Brooks Brown, and I fully agree with him, states; "Shooting the kids was apparently easier than fitting in at school. That's the biggest lesson to learn about Columbine". The main difference being that that is what bully victims could be thinking, but do they go far as to make it a reality like Eric and Dylan? Almost all don't. Were Dylan and Eric pushed that little bit too far?

The longer the friendship went on, the stronger they grew. Dylan in particular seemed to give up any social aspect he had, some have the opinion that Eric was the main reason of this. In my opinion, this is untrue, judging by the journal entries Dylan wrote previously. One particular event took place when Dylan was out in a restaurant with his mother. He wore his trench coat and dark glasses. His mother than became very wary that people were very uncomfortable with this, as if they were in fear of Dylan. Dylan wanted exactly that. He was so used to being the one fearing, now he was feared. After being asked to take them off by his mother, he just smiled. He finally felt powerful.

Despite both having journals and supposedly having their inner feelings kept to themselves, Eric Harris had a website called "You know what I hate?". This detailed quite a lot of what he was writing in his journal.

Touched on earlier, there were several ways that the plans could have been exposed. If you take the practical evidence to one side, at least two incidents that would involve the police, would take place. One day, Brooks Brown and Eric Harris had arranged to meet at school. Brooks was late. In retaliation, Eric broke Brooks' car windshield. Police were called in, but the Brown family did not press charges. People then began to suspect Eric to have put glue on door and car locks and setting fire to trees. When confronted, he denied it. However in his journal, he took delight in doing it. "I hate liars, I'm one myself, oh well". Roughly two and a half years before 4/20, Eric, Dylan and two others hacked into the schools computer system to steal locker codes. This was an act of revenge to one particular person, a threatening note was placed in the locker. All four were suspended for three days. Rather more serious, just three months later Eric and Dylan were caught stealing computer equipment from a van. They were both given community service orders because they were first time non violent offenders. Eric Harris wrote an apology letter which was extensive and very sincere. Again, in his journal, a stark contrast was written.

If this wasn't a giveaway, just a year before the attack Eric wrote on his website that he made various bombs and explosive devices. He even mentioned what would happen, and later wrote a death threat to Brooks Brown, who he had earlier had a massive fall out with. Judy Brown, Brook's mother, again called the police. The officer said he had enough evidence to send Eric to jail and comforted the Browns. Over the next few days, Judy Brown discovered that Eric was into guns and that he publicly glorified them. Judy again contacted the officer, fearing that he could shoot her son. The detective never answered.

Eric and Dylan got hold of four guns; two sawn off shotguns, a Tech 9 and a Carbine Rifle, just five months before 4/20. As everything fell into place, Eric grew more and more confident and stronger.

One theory is that they wanted to kill everyone in the school. A couple of things turns this untrue. In his journal, Eric writes; "Once I start the killing, keep in mind that there are 100 people max I don't want to die". During the killings in the library, Dylan also lets friend John Savage free. Just before the shootings started, Eric bumps into Brooks Brown outside in the school car park, saying "Brooks I like you, go home".

It's also revealed that Eric Harris was determined for the attack to be world famous forever. Dwayne Fuseiler mentions that in the Basement tapes, Eric laughed at other school shootings in the past because they did not claim as much victims as they had planned. It's also in Harris' diary that he he wanted the event to be more infamous that the LA Riots, the Oklahoma City bombings and Vietnam.

It's no secret that Eric was taking a drug called Luvox. He started this course a year before 4/20 in an attempt to control his anger. Indeed in his autopsy, Luvox was found and some suggest that that could have pushed Eric over the edge. Some say he stopped taking the drug shortly before the shootings, triggering a "come down" period (up to 14 days after stopping), which also triggers even more negative side effects. Of course I am pretty much everyone doesn't know his prescription and the dosage on his tablets, so everyone including me is merely speculation.

There is a fantastic 90 minute presentation called "The Columbine Cause" by Evan Long. In this presentation, Evan scans over the 11,000 plus page official final police reports and eyewitness statements. Many of these are conflicting reports to what was been officially said. Some include more than two shooters, some mention they seen Eric and Dylan in places around the school they never were and some even say that the two shooters were not Eric and Dylan. Brandi Wiseman's statement said that she could hear the gunmen reloading shotguns and shouting at each other. This was at approx 12.30, more than 20 minutes after they had committed suicide. Ashley Egland in her statement identified Chris Morris along with Eric Harris. He was arrested on the afternoon of the shootings. Evan then goes on to list many other eyewitness reports.

Well, it's my blog so I'll give my final opinion. There's no doubt that Eric and Dylan were bullied. There's also no doubt that both had underlying problems dealing with anger and depressive thoughts. This isn't rare, so why haven't more events like 4/20 happened? I guess we'll never know the true reasons unless the Basement tapes are revealed.

My verdict: I think people are mistaking mental illness with anger and obsession of retaliation due to years of severe bullying. I think they took so much of it, they finally snapped. After all, "Every man has his breaking point".

Whilst I don't condone 15 innocent people being killed with many more being affected forever, understanding why they done it has to raise the most questions. It was a rage towards the world caused by a lot of people.

Sources:
Columbine: The Final Report
The Columbine Killers
AColumbineSite (C.Shepard.)
"No Easy Answers" (Brooks Brown)
The Columbine Cause (Evan Long)

PS: Of course this is such a complex event so I may add bits and pieces to it, however I'll leave it published for now. Thanks for reading!

Amy Tonicwinehouse

2011-07-29T21:13:00.002+01:00

I came out of Broadwood last Saturday after watching Clyde get pumped out the cup on penalties to the news that Amy Winehouse had passed away. Initially it didn't come as a shock, of sorts, because her life about drugs and drink was well published. What I didn't know was that she was only 27, that really surprised me. The celeb lifestyle is now that no matter how famous and in the media spotlight you are, you can get drugs quicker than Chrisy Muir claiming a Burger King is his when it clearly wasn't at Glasgow Queen Street. Money of course isn't an issue and it does seem that there's one rule for a celeb and one rule for every other poor dick in the country. Of course there are other high profile people who've kicked the bucket over the drugs but have lasted well over 27 - it makes you think how much she actually took.

Now, time for the rant. I was in Thackers during the week and we watched one of the music channels, declaring Amy Winehouse was a: "Musical Icon and one of the best songwriters of our generation". Get, to fuck, off. What generation is that then, the fucking Borrowers? Now I have to confess and say I did like her songs, the majority of us liked her songs more than not but to come out of that statement is just ridiculous, I know we're all "in mourning" - and - seconds before that complete lunacy of a statement, the woman said that Rhianna and a couple of other REAL icons had passed on their condolences - BY A FUCKING TWEET ON TWITTER! You couldn't make it up. I can guarantee that in two years time almost the entire world who will bring her death up in conversation; the majority will say "Aw aye her wae the drugs that looked like Trigger from Only Fools And Horses". None of this "Icon" and "Best music writer of our generation". If anything Mark Ronson deserves that praise. An Icon is someone like Jon Bon Jovi, Freddy Mercury, David Bowie even. Dare I say it Rod Stewart. People who have been in the music industry for decades.

On a sadder note, I'll bow out with that I'm sure we're all in agreement, the loss of her set of fantastic chebs, will be sadly missed.

It's good to be back (no pun intended).

Clyde FC - What the fuck is going on?

2010-12-14T21:02:00.002Z

So what is actually happening with Clyde Football Club? Who is in charge? Who has the major influence? Who is making the decisions that will make or break our football club?

The new member structure will, or supposed to, allow everyone one vote each, and a decision is made at the end of everyone's vote of opinion. We moved to this structure not long ago, say a month give or take. Are the supporters who, young or old, have put up with so much incompetence of previous boards (not just one, let's not forget the club has been miss-managed on several occasions) suppose to believe that in the space of one month give or take, a majority vote has been in favour of Clyde moving out of Broadwood. The website puts it;

Quote

Following extensive discussions

Extensive, has it taken just one month to raise the issue, discuss it, let everyone vote on it, win that vote and then devise a plan that puts the club with 133/134 years of history in a massive gamble? Or, was this decision taken before the structure came in, and by announcing it after the switch give the supporters absolutely no right of opinion on the matter? Just when it looks like the club might be turning a corner it drops this bombshell which sadly has made me lose every ounce of confidence that Clyde FC will ever recover.

Because let us be honest. No one, including the long suffering supporters who still manage to call themselves that know what is going on. We never have and probably never will, member structure or not. If we're not going to have a say in something as important as this, then the switch to me is completely irrelevant. I'm not even sure it's worth the £30 a year membership. The Clyde supporter is a dying breed and whilst every vote will matter, it doesn't seem to be that it does, and I'm genuinely sad about that. I'm only seventeen, but I've been going to watch Clyde regularly since 1997 and that'll never change, I was born, brought up and still live in Cumbernauld, if Clyde were still at Shawfield I'm not sure I'd still support Clyde, local team was my real motive, but it certainly wouldn't be the Old Firm. I always wanted to be part of it, not just a number where my support wouldn't matter. May be strange to suggest that we're turning into that given we're at complete opposite ends of Scottish Football but it certainly feels like it at the moment. Questions have not been answered, supporters not communicated with and there seems to be no evidence of a plan whatsoever. I cannot fathom how a follow-up statement has not been released, or a letter to all season-ticket holders (I'm not one currently so apologies if there has) detailing exactly where and what the board plan to do with the club.

To tell you the truth, I don't think there is a plan and I think we have no intention of moving from Broadwood stadium.

Germany 4-1 England: The Aftermath

2010-06-28T17:08:00.002+01:00

That back four must be up there with the worst ever seen at this level - I lost count the amount of times a German ran straight at them in their own box and they've just backed off, sucking them in and then it's shifted to either Ozil or Muller who could have a bus parked between them and their respecive full backs

The first goal you'd hardly see defending like that in League Two nevermind the World Cup, second Glen Johnson must have thought Podolski was sent off he was given so much time. Upson did well for his goal but was helped by hilariously bad goalkeeping, and well, Lampards effort, there was just no way that would have happened in any other game other than Germany-England at the World Cup, Lawrenson mentioned '66 at every opportunity and for that to happen, the dictionary should be done again with a picture of that over the line under the word "Irony". Germany third goal again Muller could have had his dinner before Cole came out to him, and the fourth German goal was exactly what Germany set out to do in the second half after England got the goal back and started to up the tempo and attack and it worked twice.

And the worst of it all for me looking at a neutral viewpoint, I thought Germany were very average. They could have went up gear after gear and humiliated England further if they needed to.

So where does the problem lie? Capello? The media? The players? The linesman? A debate that will run on until the new season starts.

Capello - very stubborn. I agree with most England fans about Gerrard playing on the left when right footed, bringing on Joe Cole to the right when he's left footed, when your desperately needing a goal you take off Jermaine Defoe, the only striker who scored at the finals and bring on Emile Heskey, possibly the worst striker at international level planet earth has ever seen when Peter Crouch who has a good record, proven record at this level, barely gets 10 minutes altogether in the tournement

The media issue isn't new and it never changes. I've said it numerous times on here before that England won't win the World Cup again in a hurry because of the hype. I feel some sympathy for Wayne Rooney as all the other teams listened at the media who built up Rooney as one of the worlds best players and to their own credit have marked him out of the World Cup and he's barely had a kick of the ball. The media built up was the result of a very good qualifying games. Against who? shite like Kazahtstan and Andorra. The seeding system has completely ruined cup football. The English say to us Scots and wind us up that we never qualify for WC's and EC's, it's because we, because of the seeding system, get drawn to at least one of Italy, France, Argentina, Brazil, Netherlands and this time Spain. Sometimes two like the '08 EC's that we were piped by Italy at the death, including beating France home and away (although that's not saying much when that twat Domenech was in charge). Yes we could have qualified if we beat Georgia away but we wouldn't be Scotland if we didn't.

If you ask me, England are the best possible example of a squad of players who cannot play as a team. You watch todays game again, I think it was Germany's first two goals, nice little flicks and backheels to unlock the already open England defence. The first goal was so bad I asked my dad, who is 100% Scottish and supports England, if that actually happened. I'd be raging if I was Turner and I seen that at GM next season. And then you watch England - get the ball in any way you can to Milner and he'll cross it and hope for the best. One of the most arrogant things I've ever heard was Lawrenson again saying how many Germany players would get in the England team, one maybe two? Are you for fucking real? He couldn't see how technically superior Germany were to England if a Scot themself punched him in the face.

If the score finished 2-1 then there would be a national outcry about the goal that never was, and quite rightly so. My dad was like Capello, dancing around the livingroom with no hint whatsoever that it didn't cross the line. It beggard belif. That counts and the teams go in 2-2 at the break and it's a totally new game. That goal cushon already wrote Germanys tactics for the second half which we all seen pretty clearly. It did change the game, no doubt about that. I still don't think goalline technology should be used but Townsend was right when he said it's stolen England's chances of winning the game, because it did.

I heard the statistic that only 35% of the players that play in the Premiership are English. The Premiership is so good because of the foreigners who make it up. If the best defenders England can muster is Matthew Upson and Glen Johnson then something is wrong I'm afraid. The passing game you see that is talked about globaly barely consists of any England players at all. Other countries are so technically superior to the UK it's scary and it's clear as daylight. If you can't accept that then I'm afraid you're mental.

In a country that football is almost as important as life itself, the public will probably have their way and Capello will be sacked despite his £6m a year pay package. We simply cannot afford to give managers time and this may well be another part of the problem. I dunno, if Capello's English improves then maybe we'll see something a bit better but it's not enough as I say. You must deliver the goods immediantly and he's failed to do that and will pay for it with his job. I won't speculate a successor until he is removed but I doubt that'll be long off.

Had to get that off my chest. As a Scot who supports Scotland with no haterd/bitterness towards England, the above is as impartial as it can be.

Depression Mk II - A bigger insight and facts

2010-06-06T21:21:00.006+01:00

After watching the film "Kidulthood" on Friday it made me think on a different scale about depression, and in particular teenage depression. Not just with teenagers, but those younger as well. Adolescents if you like.

It happens. Whether we like it or not, or whether or not we want to believe it, the reality is is that it exists. And the worrying thing is, it is affecting younger people as time goes on. A couple of decades ago this wasn't really an issue but today is it the fastest growing rate of depression (amongst young people). This also proves wrong the fact that some suggest depression is cause by chemical imbalance in any human.

What is happening is that society is changing and the needs of a young person for everyday life is also changing. The demand to be where one's in a stable position, mentally. Personally I believe those who deem to control young people are the one's that cannot see past them. By this I mean they fail to accept their child may suffer from depression or even just having depressive thoughts. Fact is that it happens to everyone. Maybe not depression as a whole but in some point in life you will feel down and have depressive thoughts or feelings. I refuse to believe anyone doesn't at some stage.

We all have different ways of living life, and different ways of guiding others. We all have different philosophy's on how to approach things and different tactics and ways at solving day to day tasks. Personally I take the philosophy of letting people do their own thing. How else are we going to learn things? I don't get it, but again that's just my personal opinion. It makes my blood boil when I see people controlling others. Pushy parents they are dubbed. Like a sheep in a herd. Teenagers don't have enough life experience as it is without their thoughts, feelings and personal beliefs of what they think is right taken away from them, all because of high expectations placed on their head before they were even born. How is that fair? And the worst of it all is, they (the parents) don't seem to realise how this can affect the mentality of their child. They can't mind read so how else are they going to know how they are feeling? I'll tell you one way they won't - by adding so much pressure to them. Like I say it isn't fair.

I think it's fair to say we all have some sort of role models. And we talk and dream about what it would be like to be them, or to be better. And at the same time we don't come up with any strategy or even have the tools of how to go about it. The result may be that we then try to "run before we can walk" - which in most cases result in failure. Confidence is fucked and we feel down, and sometimes result in depression. It's a vicious circle. One that cannot be ignored however.

Let's talk about facts. The following is a bit from an article here http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/dlp/depression-information/teen-depression/.

"In a recent study by the Queen Elizabeth Medical Centre in Western Australia, of 400 children aged 9 to 12, 16 were found to be clinically depressed, with 112 assessed as being vulnerable to future depression. Depressed children believed that happiness is achieved through the acquisition of fame, money and beauty. Happier children tended to believe that feeling good comes from healthy attitudes and pursuing worthwhile goals."

So there you have it. I predict that none of you reading this would have thought that would have been the case. Maybe it's ignorance or maybe it's just that people don't seem to realise how bad depression really is. It ruins life's - fact. That quote also shouts something out at me, and that's that those that are depressed think "acquisition of fame, money and beauty" are what happiness is achieved from. Is that disillusion as well? Maybe their depression is taking it's toll on this viewpoint too. The last sentence simply suggests that positive internal thoughts is what makes them feel good. I think most would prefer having this. I know I would.

So we've looked at how to deal with it, but just how do we establish if someone has depression? There's no denying it's hard to spot. Especially in young people - some forget that having the sulks, being hostile, having negative thoughts and maybe even being anti social are part and parcel of growing up. Another viewpoint of how someone could become drawn into this is that they become fascinated, maybe even obsessed in extreme cases with death. From their own personal experiences of course - grandparents or in some cases other family deaths can have a majorly adverse effect on their mentality. Bonding with parents can have an affect on them which basically presents an image of how they would be if they were separated from their parents or family. They become so fearful of this that they are drawn away from their peers and let the fear take over them.

Of course, there are ways that we can teach children and teenagers on how to go about combating depression, and how to avoid a re occurrence. Some establishments such as schools have tried this and have apparently have a good degree of success. What I would say is that it should be made available at all times, and perhaps even paramount. Remember depression can happen to anyone at any time. Just like anything else in life I guess.

So what about the symptoms of teenage depression? The obvious are; Performance at school or college. Poor grades and attendance are the main aspects to this. Personal appearance, physically. Poor hygiene and generally looking like a hobo are the most notable. Being a "rebel" - being very rash and hostile for no apparent reason and generally being defiant. Unusual beliefs and bizarre fixations - and sticking to them. Again being obsessed can be a real indication of this. And probably the most common - they just don't think life is worth living. We could be here all night arguing in individual cases and it's neither here nor there but this is the most obvious and as I say probably the most common symptom of teenage depression.

There is a couple of causes of teenage depression. We've covered a few but let's look at others. These couple also be construed as catalysts; Social rejection. We all know what this means. Not fitting in, not being "cool" - not having any friends, or not even having anyone to talk to. Family turmoil - parent separation or divorce, or in some cases a death in the family. Failing exams - teachers in some cases can be liable to tell kids that if they fail exams that's it - life and future career opportunities are fucked. I know for certain that's what my teacher tried to drill into me. Maybe that was just for motivation but it's a fucking scandal that they can tell kids that. Fucking scandal.

Here are some more facts, from the link above.

"Suicide among teenagers and young adults have increased three folds since 1970."

"90% of suicides by teenagers and young people were diagnosed with a mental illness, depression being the most common."

"In 1996 suicide was the fourth biggest killer between 10 to 14 year old, and the 3rd biggest killer in those between 15 to 24."

So to conclude - more young people are becoming depressed. And they combat this by committing suicide. There's thousands of reason why this may be, but I think the biggest is not having enough life experience on how to deal with certain situations. Even if it can tend to get better with given time. People often kill themselves to escape what they see to be an intolerable and something they cannot escape, not necessarily because they want to die.

I'll leave it at that. Bare in mind I am a ChildLine counsellor but for the purpose of this blog entry I've not brought that into it. Thanks for reading.

Crewe Away

2010-04-13T15:50:00.005+01:00

Crewe Alexandra 0-3 Shrewsbury Town

My second Town game of the season, and another victory. I really should go more often.

Again, another exceptional day was had in England following my estranged English team. I still maintain that a day out to an English game (even the Football League) pisses all over anything Scotland has to offer. It doesn't help that I support a Scottish Divison Two team who are about to be relegated to the bottom teir for the first time in their history but for the matchday experiance, the travel involved, the excitement of the day and even the standard of football, it really is on a different level.

So my story of how I went to Crewe, on the 10th April 2010 starts a little bit later than Macclesfield.

It wasn't as long as the Macc day but the enjoyment was just as keenly felt. I woke up at the normal time I would to go to college - circa 7am - and I gave myself around 90 minutes to get everything in order. Thouroughly excited about the day after, I got up right on schedual and headed straight for the shower. After a quick scrub I wasted no time in getting changed and ready for the day ahead. I was intent on showing the Town colours so I wore underarmour, a long sleve white top and the Shrewsbury strip on top of that, I also had my new blue and amber bar scarf proudly on display. Like Macc I was far too early in getting up, due to paranoia out of anything else but I like to know I'm in time. After a quick couple of bits of toast and shifting my carry out to the front door I was off. Again my carry out was started as soon as I walked out the house, a can of lager on the jaunt to Croy and another on the train into Glasgow. I felt quite guilty actually walking down Blackwood Road when I passed three guys on a morning jog, passing me with a can at that time of the morning. Can was loused just before the final roundabout and into Croy and the train I went.

Off at Queen Street and quickly put the cans in the bin so I wouldn't be caught by the polis, who were creaping about as the Scottish Cup Semi Final was taking place just a few hours later. A few Ross County fans could be seen here. I swiftly went into Greggs for further food so I wouldn't be spewing anytime soon with the 10am carry out on the 10:10 from Glasgow Central bound for Manchester Airport. Eating this on the way up, found out there wasn't a bin inside Central, well upset. After a truely pointless trip outside to the nearest bin and back up, the time was circa 9:40, half an hour til the train departs. A good look around saw quite a few more Ross County fans, and the odd Celtic fan. After buying a paper from the WhSmiths it was time to board the train.

Found my seat no bother, right at the end of the carridge at the window side was where I was, with a good reach to the pisser. Not long after I got on the guy who was ment to be sitting next to me got on - from his accent it was quite Easternly - Livingston, Dundee, somewhere like that. Couldn't help but overhear when he was on the phone saying he was going down to Manchester for a stag do. Seeing my colours he asked what game I was going to see. I thought it was a pretty daft thing to ask seeing as the clubs badge of just a glance away, but I polietly reply "Shrewsbury", he didn't seem to bothered then asked how I ended up supporting them since I'm Scottish. To be honest, I lied and said I moved there when I was 5 and only recently moved back up and I couldn't support a Scottish team. Again, he didn't seem arsed and apart from a "scuse me" to get by and into the pisher and a quick "enjoy your weekend" when I was leaving, we never spoke again. I was still really excited at the day, proudly taking my bottle of wine out and onto the wee pull out table thing. After a few swigs I got really settled and by this time we were still a good twenty minutes away from Carlisle, the first stop. A good read at the paper made sure I didn't die of bordem or I'd have drunk myself to death on the spot. The first couple of stops, Carlisle and Penrith were pretty close to each other, and Oxenholm Lake District, where I'd change if I was going to Darlington, wasn't far away either. We were approaching Preston and I rushed a little to finish off the bottle of wine, although there was still a wee bit left when I got off so I headed straight to the toilet for another piss and to leave my trademark in England.

I left the station and headed left out of pure choice and it was here I found the first pub. The name of it escapes me but I'll research it during the edit. It was fairly decent sized, with green sort of, well, hings, hanging from the windows. I was a little tipsy so I tried my arm at getting served and got there first time. I just strolled up and firmly said "Lager". He didn't really hesitiate and just said "Forsters alright", "Aye" was the response. The Celtic-Ross County game was on the tele (probably only because it was on Sky) and it was still 0-0 with the half time whistle just minutes away. I was just standing there so I decided to strike up conversation with the barman - I asked if he got many football fans that come in and he justed saying stuff about West Ham's chances of staying up - it really wasn't what I asked at all, and just turned away from this clown as soon as he stopped talking shite. I didn't have long to drink the pint so rushed a wee bit, and exited swiftly with five minutes to spare before the train to Crewe left. I quickly made sure I didn't miss it and got on roughly half way down. The train looked fairly packed so I just stood at the doorway, right next to the little on-board shop thing, which later would save me £21 (well half of it at least). We passed Wigan and some other station, and then the ticket conductor came. He assumed I was in the queue at the shop so just walked by me - fucking result. The trip was only 40 minutes and it pretty much flew by. Got off at Crewe and did the same thing as Preston - headed to the nearest pub. Again I can't remember the pub - I think it was the Morcambe Hotel - and noticed a few Town fans were in. This time it was a youngish barmaid so again fancied my chances at getting served - no problem. I was then stopped as I predicted at someone noticing my top and it turned out some guy from Whiteinch (not far from the Clyde Tunnel) was there. He lives in Shrewsbury these days but was pleased there was other Scottish contingent down. Next thing I knew Richard appeared from no where, tapped me on the shoulder and directed me down to this little bit in the pub. There, some guy brandished a ticket in front of me. Another £19 saved - result.

TO BE CONTINUED

MUST READ - MACCLESFIELD

2010-02-09T18:45:00.009Z

MACCLESFIELD TOWN 0-1 SHREWSBURY TOWN

Shrewsburys second ever win at Moss Rose - am I the lucky mascot?

Possibly one of the best days ever. Started at 4.30am when I got up, a bit tired but extremely excited. Quickly got changed and stuff, made sure I had the train tickets, wallet was sorted, phone charged fully and iPod charged too. Just a case of a quick breakfast of two pieces and cheese as their was hee haw else, I thought that would keep me in shape until we reached Manchester as we'd arrive at 10:30 which isn't late, let's be honest. Knowing me though I was far too early, ending up milling about for ages until half five when I would leave, and will be in a different country by the time I would be back. I thought about what I was going to wear as I didn't want to wear too much or too little, I ended up wearing my under armour, Shrewsbury top above and my leather jacket, in the end that kept me fine but I was a bit skeptical.

So 5:30am, off I go. First bottle of the day opened as soon as I locked the door, no messing about. I decided 12 beers for the train would be far too much so I had 4 bottles the night before to get me relaxed and help getting rid of them. Even then, lugging a crate containing only 7 bottles of beer and a half bottle of Buckfast was quite heavy, with another beer on the other hand, swigging to head height as I strolled to Croy in the morning dark (listen to this patter - think I'm Meave Binchy or something lol). I finished my first bottle just shy of Croy, and I left early so I was ten or so minutes early so I had an excuse to crack open another beer. Croy had about 4 or 5 other folk in it, must have been heading early to work. You can imagine their horror when they seen a seventeen year old with a bottle of lager at 6am on a Saturday morning and a crate of beer in tow, or maybe not as I shifted the half wine from one side to the other. The second bottle was opened around six and the train would come some ten minutes later, it tasted good as I kept them in the shed the night before so they were pretty chilled. The train pulled up, very quiet as the time suggested but still smattering of folk for the early shift shuttle. Took my place at a table seat, put the crate on the table then seen a massive bit of dirty from the bottom of the bag as I dropped it en route to Croy, quickly shuffled to a wee two seater, no sweat. I took my jacket off, proudly showing the colours of Shrewsbury Town on a Scotrail train, not that anyone seen it. The stop after next from Croy is Bishopbriggs, and as we approached I looked out the window and I seen someone with a blue and amber scarf on - can't be Mark or Richard could it? I didn't think much of it, little did I know we'd spend the next 18 hours in each others company. Finished the second bottle as we pulled into Glasgow and I made my way to the door. I noticed this chap with the blue and amber scarf, and I noticed him noticing me, but trying his best not to look at me as I think he knew who I was. I got off first, and after walking 5 or so steps I thought I heard "Chris" being called, I didn't hear it properly at the time and just ignored it, but in hindsight it was probably Richard shouting after me, I now feel like a twat for completely ignoring him - I'll put it down to tiredness!

After buying a Daily Record from WHSmiths at the station, I walked straight to Central from Queen Street, in paranoia more than anything else, of being late. I worry far too much. As I got to TGI Fridays on Buchanan Street I was stopped by some guy in Newcastle United colours, he was asking where Queen Street was, so I directed him to the place I just left, all is well. Had a good wee feeling in me as I went into Central, excited about the day ahead. As I stopped at the boards to have a look at my phone, as you do, I seen this guy with the blued and amber scarf at the corner and it confirmed my suspicions that it was either Mark or Rich, as I seen him make his way towards me. After a successful second attempt in trying to communicate with me, I finally shook his hand and I met Richard, an English guy exiled in Scotland for work. The first thing he said to me other than my name was actually commenting on my scarf, which I bought a few days before. It turned out to be the wrong one, but it is still a good scarf - a "college style with the Town badge on it, meaning I can wear it to College, good stuff. Not long after that, Mark turned up. I was told by Richard before that Mark was brought up in Motherwell and had no Shrewsbury blood in him, just like me, but I was okay with that. After a brief chat and a look at the tickets, Richard made off to WH Smiths which left Mark and myself to look for somewhere that sold coffee. We made a half hearted attempt at this by walking down the stairs, turned right and went past a Greggs before giving up and returning to the boards to rejoin Rich.

Then it was around 7am so we made our way onto the platform, which was fairly busy and after a 5 or so minute wait for the doors to open we took our seats. Mark and Rich sat in their seats allocated to them, whilst I sat behind them which wasn't my allocated seat, was a bit para that I'd be moved half way down the carriage. I was sitting on the seat where the person would have got on at Penrith so I had a wee while before they appeared, if at all. It turned out they didn't so after opening another bottle of beer and swapping the cards with the seat reservations and passing the conductors inspection, it was to be a smooth trip down to Manchester. It didn't take long, 3 hours and 17 minutes in truth, but it seemed a lot quicker than that. That time was spent drinking beer and talking about Shrewsbury - how we all started to support them and past players, games and such. Was interesting as they go to most games north of Macc so they go semi-regularly - as much as an exile can really. Apart from that and me going to the pisher a couple of times, nothing else really happened. A woman did get on at Bolton as planned in the seat next to me but she wasn't bothered. We did go by the Rebock Stadium on the way, that was kinda cool and it reminded me of the Coldplay video from "Fix You" that's widely on youtube and the likes when they played there. I had to rush finish off my last bottle as we went into Manchester, no problems in that department, naturally.

Up the stairs we went and some Scottish guy on the same train as us enquired about Rich's blue and amber scarf, he didn't take the piss when we said Shrewsbury so he was sound. Walking down one of the main streets in Piccadilly (Piccadilly Gardens I'm guessing) we went into a Weatherspoons type pub, filled with Man Utd fans, as was the rest of the city as United were at home. They were all wearing those yellow and green scarfs - can someone tell me what that's about? Anyway, Mark bought the first round and we had a toast for a Town win. Very relaxed place, good people and fairly quiet. We spoke more and the conversation drifted towards crowd violence and hooliganism somehow, and how Mark was subject to hundreds of Aberdeen fans charging at him at Fir Park when he was about 12, repeatedly punching him in the back of the head. I must admit though, he didn't seem too fussed about it! Rich then told us stories about the EBF's battles at the Gay Meadow (Shrewsbury's casuals and Gay Meadow is Shrewsbury's old ground) with teams like Chester, Hereford, Everton and even Chelsea and Millwall, it sounded quite brutal. After another couple of pints it was time to head back to Piccadilly and head to Macclesfield. Into the ticket office and we bought our tickets to Macc, which cost £7.40 return. I gave the guy a fiver which I thought was a tenner, he told me to cough up more but I was slightly half-cut at this point so I did generally think I gave him a tenner. I finally gave in and gave him an extra few quid.

Onto the train not long before we left and one of the memorable moments of the day - I pulled out this half bottle of Buckfast and Mark and Rich's faces were priceless. If they weren't too impressed by my 7am carry-out, they certainly weren't here when I produced Scotland's Finest. I got my way through half of it before we got to Macc, as I planned on leaving some for the way home. I can remember we went past Stockport's ground, looked no back from the outside.

We got off at Macc and headed left. Pretty much straight down from here, I can just remembering following Mark and Rich in a straight line, turned a little corner into the boozer called "The Railway View". When we got in it was a strange experience for me, I have never been in a pub which my fellow fans have taken over. Salopians everywhere, magic! The Merseyside Derby was on so that was good viewing. I was leaning on a pool table right in front of the screen which I imagine angered a few folk, but I quickly realised this and shuffled toward the left wall where Mark was. He introduced me to some guy, who for the life of me can't remember his name, but he was sound as fuck. Of similar height to myself, black scruffy hair and one of those faces I'd describe as "An English Guys Face" - take that of what you will. I feel sorry for him though, I slavered a lot of shite and was probably "saying hings" before long. One or two Town songs were shouted, which I joined in as it was a rare moment. One or two Macc fans gave their team some backing but the sing off was ours, without trying to be biased. Then out of no where a small guy with an distinct English accent nudged me, it was Danny Morris, an eighteen year old Town fan who I spoke to a few times via Bebo and Facebook. It was good to meet the guy finally, but again I was slavering shite and he probably thinks I'm a prick.

Kick off was near approaching so the mass Town support, around 800 in total that traveled through, descended on Moss Rose. I met another guy who again the name escapes me but he sound too. A tenner through the turn style and there it was, up the stairs onto the open terrace with decent weather for February. I dunno why but I decided to pitch up in a totally different area of the stand from Mark and Rich. I found myself on the far left hand side of the stand, but it was still a decent vantage point. I did though find myself roaming across from one end to the other, and I probably did annoy some folk by doing this but oh well. The first half was a non event, a few corners maybe but that's it. The second half was much improved, and Town got the all important goal. Steve Leslie with a great finish with his left foot. We all started to shout "Terry Dunfield do do do do", not knowing it was indeed Leslie that scored. Macclesfield were very disappointing - offered practically nothing up front and Button was rarely troubled. The final whistle went and a good ovation to the players was had, and the fans shuffled out of the ground. Walked back with the two lads I met plus Mark and Rich and stopped into the Railway View again for a quick pint before the train. Got chatting to some Macclesfield fans who were gracious in defeat, which was good to see. Understandably unhappy as they have some off the field problems too, got a handshake at the end too which was nice, thoroughly good lads.

The train trip from Macc to Manchester was funny. Some emo lad and two female friends were behind us, and he had some music playing. Still a wee bit pished, I looked behind and sort of growled to this guy, I then glanced to Mark who grinned, and then back to this emo. He asked me if I wanted his music to be turned down, I seen a better opportunity to nous this guy up so I said no, and immediately took my seat right across him. I was chatting away, talking shite and saying hings as usual. I convinced him to have a wee drink of my Buckfast, which he said he thought it was brilliant. So if this trip has done anything, it's turned an English emo into a ned. Smashing.

The trip from Manchester to York was pretty uneventful. I was slightly dozing off, drinking one or two more beers and having a munch. At York I bought a Burger King and munched that on the train to Edinburgh. Then apparently I was a bawhair from being mugged. Apparently, some guy with his mates in tow was trying to talk to me, when it was clear I was trying to sleep. Unfortunately for him, he didn't notice Mark behind him ready to swing for him as he made a move for my wallet. Thank christ for that. Legend. Woke up at Edinburgh and was sobering up enough to be talking sensible. Reached Croy and said farewell to Mark, while Rich got off with us as he had to change to get back to Bishy. We got chatting to two randoms who gave us a fag and I waited for my dad to turn up to take me home via Burger King, sadly though it was shut so we just headed home.

What a day though. Head and shoulders above any away day in Scotland, and in good company and careful planning, it can be a pretty cheap, magnificent trip. Will definitely go back there next season if they stay up, and I'm planning one or two more away trips in due course - Crewe away on the agenda next in April. Bring it on :)

Raff xxx

Sunday Update

2010-01-31T14:49:00.002Z

I feel quite good today for some reason. The house has been tidied, I watched the tennis this morning, I've done my evaluation for Wednesday, done some studying, charged the phone and Ipod, played a bit of guitar, finally got my Internet Banking account sorted so I can check my balance without trecking miles to the nearest cash machine, doing some other coursework to get it out the way and I am going to watch the Arsenal-Man Utd game later. I don't why I don't do this often, I really am a lazy bastard with hindsight. It makes me think that'll I'll be such a failure as an adult as to be honest, I don't think I could look after myself. Sad but true - without a microwave I'd be in bother as I don't fancy being in control of the cooker just yet, although I did cook a pizza last night which was lovely.

Yesterday was strange, I did fuck all execpt sleep, play FM, watch Soccer Saturday and drinking at the slowest pace possible. It's poor times when you're an underage drinker and yet cannot be arsed drinking. God help me in a years time when I turn 18 and there isn't an excuse not to drink. Well, I suppose there would be for me as I am skint 99 times out of 100. The taste just didn't really do it for me last night, maybe it's just the taste of Miller that doesn't do it for me. Will need to think long and hard of what I'm going to drink on the way to Manchester next week.

Well, just a wee quick update as I have some work to be getting on with, as well as some studying.

Caio xx

Happy Birthday to Me

2010-01-29T13:45:00.002Z

Yep, 17 today. For some reason I feel good, not because my age means something, but just for the fact it is my birthday. That will probably go away tomorrow though. I can't really do anything tonight because I'm coaching but I've arranged with Carrick to get me a bottle of wine to celebrate after coaching so I can have a little drink at least. Another thing, I haven't had one text wishing me Happy Birthday, not a single text. A few have gave me their best wishes via Facebook, MSN etc but you'd think they'd sent you a text. Ach well, still 10 hours of my birthday left, maybe one will come eventually. So yeah, I'm coaching tonight, and to be honest, I don't have a clue what I'm doing. Whole two hour session with Tony at my side, we're going to struggle somewhat I'd imagine. Leaving half an hour at the end for a game so it's just the first 90 minutes or so of wee games we need to fill with. I hope Tony has some ideas too as on the spot we could have some difficulties. I'm sure we'll manage though, we are coaches after all. East Fife away tomorrow too, really, really, cannot be arsed. I probably will end up sitting in the pub with Kevin but I can't be arsed doing that either. Leaving my bank card and other money behind as I really don't want to spend much because I really need new clothes and such so I'll spend me cash on that. Plus I need to keep money for Macclesfield, although I do need to locate English banknotes as the English are quite stubborn when it comes to oor money.

Yep. Next week is Macc away!! Cannot wait. Getting a carry-out for the train and I'll be going with two complete stranges off a Shrewsbury forum. Seem decent enough though and they like a drink so it should be good. Hope they're not too boring though. As for the game well I don't really know what to expect. What will happen though is that it'll be very different from Clyde, Shrewsbury actually have a decent chance of winning. Well, Shrewsbury do have an incredably shite record at Moss Ross but we're doing well just now so we're in with a chance at least. Should hopefully meet Danny and a few of the other Town lads too.

Yesterday was okay, as good as getting an cardio ultrasound heart scan goes I guess. They didn't say much, pretty quiet infact so I'm wondering if they found something wrong or that and it isn't their place to say my results as I need to wait a fornight for them to come through. Murder though, getting to Monklands and back. Firstly, I had to leave my house 90 minutes before I was due to be seen thanks to the shite that is the public bus service. One an hour, and at that it takes fifty minutes to get there. This led me to being there 45 minutes before I was due to be seen and being bored out my fucking skull. On the bus I was listening away to my Ipod when I was in a bit of a mood for some reason. One of those ones where you're on a wee rant and then it has a sinister yet humerous end, in this case think Will McKenzie from the Inbetweeners. There I was in my mind going through things I was moaning about and then it occured to me, and I quote "and I really need a shit". I somehow managed to hold it in with no real damage involed. So to the room where I was asked to "strip to the waist". Instantly, I thought of Del Trotter in that Only Fools in Horses episode when he stripped the bottom half instead of top. Sadly though, an old Matron type woman and a male student don't do it for me so I just went along with the procedure. So there's some student was looking at my insides, bizzarely I kinda knew what they were talking about as I have been doing the heart and that in Anatomy in college. I would sound like a bit of a dick though if I was to blurt out things even he didn't know as he was pretty clueless. For some strange reason he thought it was a good idea for me lie on my side thus resulting in me recieving a very numb arm for half an hour. After it, he nearly forgot to give me some tissue to wipe the jelly away, the clatty bastard. At least he wished me a Happy Birthday so he redeemed himself a bit. Getting home was a bit of a cunt too. Not relying on buses this time, I took the risk of walking around Coatbridge trying to find a train station. Coatdyke which Gavin reckons is miles away, only seemed a 10 minute walk. Managed to get into Queen Street and after a well deserved Burger King I got the train home.

I have to go now, need to travel allll the way to Toryglen for coaching. Ah well, happy first blog since I've turned 17! xxx

Life as a Sports Coach (Part 2)

2010-01-27T16:16:00.004Z

The second edition sees my rather unbelieveable session today. I was coaching using width in a five-a-side pitch (whit?!) also with some depth thrown in there as well. All A's however one of the marks was slightly narrowed down to a B due to me over coaching and thus slightly decreasing the participants playing time - but that was being pretty petty according to Angus.

So what would I write in my self evaluation? Well, taking it in stages..

Intro - Fairly basic. Safety points etc said and got this over with pretty quickly.

Bedding down - I really broke this down. Like, seriously broke it down. That's what I was told to do though so step by step I told what the wingers and the holding midfielder had to do. Defenders had a really easy shift to do in just going to the wingers or tuck inside when the ball is shifted. Midfielder had to take a positive touch forward, allow the wingers to get wide and forward to create the angle and the triangle so it's easy to shift the play with one or two movements/passes. Then into the overlap where the origional winger comes inside and swaps roles with the holding midfielder. After this, defenders become active and start to stick out wide trying to mark the wingers, creating the gap in the middle where the midfielder is encouraged to expolit and run right through it. This is the benefit of width, the wingers may not touch the ball but the way they stretch the field creates so much space for the midfield to expolit. This is something I'll employ instantly if I ever become a Football Manager, although I would have the wingers on the ball as often as possible. But that's going a wee bit off topic here.

So onto the game. We lined up as a diamond as it's only fives. Started off well with Laura in goals, Connor holding the play with Stuart and Mark out wide and RPB as the lone striker. A few did shift positions during the game which was fine as everywhere was covered in some respect. Big Mark was my MOTM, got up and down the left hand side pretty well despite carrying a groin injury. Took one for the team, defineatly. The game finished 1-1 with RPB scoring a screamer from just inside their half. Was quite funny actually, we lost possession and I was about to moan at RPB until he let fly from 15 yards straight through everyone into the net. Equaliser came shortly after after some good play from Goldie's boys down the left, Connor perhaps with some suspect positioning after being drawn too far forward but on the whole the shape was good and Stuart and Mark tucked in well when we didn't have the ball and when we did they got out wide sharpish so it was all good.

Feedback from Angus was great, the only thing he picked out was the use of overcoaching. Perhaps I said too much but with strategys you really do need to explain in some length. That was the only thing I was marked down on but I'm not bothered about that, got a A in everything apart from that. See the picture below of my evaluation :)

Embrace - Come Back To What You Know

2010-01-27T00:08:00.002Z

I'll post lyrics to some songs that sums up my feeling too, as feelings expressed through song can be somewhat special. Started listening to Embrace on Spotify, and I'm impressed. One of they bands where they came out with a song that everyone hears(Gravity in this case) but I like to hear the other stuff. Here's Come Back To What You Know.

Come back to what you know,
Take everything real slow
I wanna lose you but I can't Let you go.

Before you interfere
Let me make it loud and clear, that you got no more to prove.
I'm a fool.
So take it easy on yourself,
There's nothing new about regretting how you felt.
I'll never let you down,
Or ever feel the way that I've been fearing now.

Coming back to what you know won't mean a thing.
Everything that you've done keeps you from me.
Now I know that I need more time,
Come back and let me see you're right.
I'm coming back to what you know,
Cos I know that I need it now it's gone.
Now I know that I need more time,
Come back and let me see you're eye

So hang on to what you've got, keep it safe.
Hang on to what you've got,
Keep it safe from harm. You'll find.
There's nothing new that we can't leave behind.

Come back to what you know,
Take everything, real slow,
I wanna lose you but I got,
Far too high To let go
Now the demon in me knows,
What I knew so long ago

Coming back to what you know won't mean a thing.
Everything that you've done keeps you from me.
Now I know that I need more time,
Come back and let me see you're right.
I'm coming back to what you know,
Cos I know that I need it now it's gone.
Now I know that I need more time,
Come back and let me see you're right.

So hang on to what you've got, keep it safe.
Hang on to what you've got, keep it safe from harm.
We got time. We got time.

Coming back to what you know won't mean a thing.
Everything that you've done keeps you from me.
Now I know that I need more time,
Come back and let me see you're right.
I'm coming back to what you know,
Cos I know that I need it now it's gone.
Now I know that I need more time,
Come back and let me see you're right.
Come back to what you know,
Take everything real slow,
I tried to lose you,
But I got far too close.

Tuesday Tea-Time Update

2010-01-26T17:22:00.006Z

Okay so today I was suppose to be going to a meeting about some counseling for ChildLine.. that was until last night when I phoned up to confirm attendance. Now, my voice isn't the clearest being a pure total weegie mahn, but I do think it's pretty easy to make out what I'm actually saying. Not for some though as it looks like! So I phoned up and said I'd like to confirm my attendance to the meeting tomorrow, however the woman at the other end of the phone interpreted this as "I'd like to cancel my attendance to the meeting tomorrow". I never actually thought that would have been the case. Quite glad as it turns out! So aye..today I was fashionably late in getting up for this meeting. Very late in fact. So much so I didn't get into Queen Street until five minutes before it was due to start. Cue me bolting up Buchanan Street and through Renfield Street until it eventually occurred to me.. "WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS PLACE?" All I knew it that was called "Tara House" and it was on Bath Street. I couldn't for the life of me find it though, and doing a half marathon up and down Bath Street I finally gave up and decided to head home, thinking that I've shamelessly missed a volunteer information meeting about doing some counselling. Instant new career idea path shattered. That was until I got home..and found an email from a few hours before which said they were sorry I couldn't attend! So I done all that running and worrying for hee-haw! Still, after a couple of emails today there is another meeting on Monday night which I'll definitely go to and see what the script is. May have to wonder about Glasgow between when I finish College and 6 o'clock though, if anyone wants to join me for a movie at the cinema or something ?? (I'll pay since my birthday would be 3 days previous, just to show I'm not a tight arse ;))

Other hings..I remarkably passed the first Outcome in First Aid despite doing zero studying and the actual test was a face to face interview with Davie who let's just say, you wouldn't want to get into a car parking argument with. Most of it was just common sense though, and the answer "Phone the Emergency Services" whilst technically isn't wrong, came out of every ones lips for every answer. I managed to scrape a pass thankfully. However I wasn't so lucky in Anatmoy, my auld enemy. Failed the Respiratory System by six marks, and four of these would have been mines had I not fucked up one of the tables which was one of the easiest questions in the paper. I'm sure I could have mustered up another two marks from elsewhere. Ach well - like I always say...there's always the re-sit. Heart scan on Thursday, not really though of it to be honest, I'm just trying not to think about it too much so I can convince myself I'll be fine. I've also managed to fuck up my chance of getting back with Gillian too, with me being my usual stupid bastarding self. Going over a rocky patch the now, just hope she can see that I'm sorry and we'll hopefully try again as I really do love her. On a more positive note - I'm on the verge of going back to Clyde in the coaching capacity! Still to finalise everything, however got a email from Stevie who's looking for folk and now that the Celtic thing never took off I'm looking forward to doing a lot more coaching than normal. Not only that, but it looks like I'll be working with young Tony "The Italian Stallion" Ventre, who is a total legend. I'm sure between us we can turn these wee kids into the future stars of Clyde FC, since, well, John Brown has recently left the post.

Strictly Come Hair Dying..The Results!

2010-01-25T19:38:00.003Z

A follow on from a couple of posts ago - here is the picture of the outcome

Bruno Antonioli...

5..

Life as a Sports Coach (Part 1)

2010-01-22T00:27:00.003Z

Okay, I have just thought of a great wee idea. I'm going to open a sort of 'mini-series' of my coaching life and reveal to you the stuff I do and my coaching style, techniques etc. Should be fun! In the first edition, is an exact copy of my Assessment for my Coaching Theory class for Graham, it is about my own person communication methods, the second part is what I need to improve on. Cheers for reading!

Written/Reading: Understanding of lesson plans and the reading of the session is something I feel I am quite good at. It's not often I don't know what I am doing or what is coming up next so there is no issues here.

Verbal: One of my best assets is my voice, and the volume of voice. I am not scared to use it and to project it, either. Pre-HND this was something I struggled with, however being more confident within your session and your verbal communication with the group will be excellent – in my opinion anyway.

Listening: Gaining feedback from the group is again something which I have picked up more and more too, and putting this into the session also helps me a lot. Also any ideas they may have in regards to the session content, is taken on board too.

Non verbal: Observing the group and picking up things like body language, the way the performers go about the session and the general mood/tempo of the session is easily picked up and again when this is evident it is up to me to get the motivation up raise the spirits to pick up the pace.

Body Language: I touched on this on the previous point, body language as they say can speak a lot louder than words – and this is how the performers tend to give you feedback; not through words, but by actions. This is sometimes a more subtle way of saying the session isn't going well.

Demonstration: It's common knowledge that as a coach only do the demo's if you can actually perform what the skill/technique/practise is. If not, get someone else in the group who you know can do it and explain to the group whilst the demo is being carried out. Get your coaching points across here.

Others as Appropriate: My own style is one of a real sort of fun and laid back experience – Laissez Faire if you like. I do however expect the session to be adhered to and the objections and tasks to be completed to the best of their ability – however I do have a lot of time and room for some fun and banter which helps the confidence and morale.

And now for what I think I could improve:

What I feel needs improvement in my coaching communication methods is the seriousness of my overall coaching style and tone of voice. My voice itself and the volume of it is not in doubt, however I am suspect on occasions of being just that little bit “too nice”. When the session is going low and if the fun starts to take over and the session pace drops and some may even start to be a little slack, then my ability to change into a real serious tone of voice and to physically shout at the group in a real serious manner is something I rarely do. This is due to a couple of things: As a person, an individual and not just a coach, I am a pretty happy guy. I am not someone who will intimidate you and I wouldn't be someone who would strike fear in someones eyes so sometimes it may be hard to gain the respect of the group straight away if I don't stamp my authority, particularly if it's a new group who I don't know. The nice approach does work, however there is always one or two who will push the boundaries and try their luck as far as they can. That's when I start to get serious and the (even more) uglier side of me comes out. Like I say though, it is not something that tends to happen most of the time and so it isn't a real pressing issue for me, although there's no doubt my discipline methods could be a bit more stronger. It works for some just taking that stance right away – but not for me. I like the way I go about my coaching: fun and purposeful. Not only is the work getting done, but also the fun and the banter is also taking place which, for me, is the most important aspect. I mean, what's the point in participating in the session when it's just going to be a complete drag and the coach is just going to bark out orders all day? First and foremost the kids have to enjoy themselves, but to also learn. Using my coaching style, I feel that I achieve both and although undoubtedly I can improve all aspects of communication and the like, I do think I have a good basis to go on and continue coaching the way I am and to feel at the end of every session that everyone had a good time and more importantly, learned something.

797 words in total for that assessment, by the way. I hope you're still alive!

Wee update

2010-01-20T19:40:00.002Z

Just waiting for the Villa-Blackburn game to come on so I thought I'd do some blogging. Not that anyone reads this. Well, exept all the wee fannies from school who to this day still talk about me regularly - keep up the pathetic'ism lads :)

So what's new? Well, my hair dying experiance was indeed an experiance. The outcome was totally different from the one it was meaning to (dark blue). So, Bryan bleeched it, turning it bright blonde. After that, he put on the dye and to our surprise, it turned purple, yes, purple! Thankfully we knew it had to be washed off so there was still some hope left. When it was washed off, the end result lingered a bit until it but came to a much lighter shade of brown which, although not what I was intending, it looks alright so I'll just cut about with it until it washed it off and maybe will buy a lighter shade of blue and try again and see what happens.

Started strategys at college now. 'The Sport and Hosp Wans' went first as they finished up at the pits today. Was really good, at last now we're actually coaching some tactical play rather than just doing fucking drills for hours on end. Graham (or perhaps better known as Grandad) is probably the best coach there as he's had quite a bit more experiance than the rest of us so he went first. A few didn't know what to do in terms of their own sessions so it was good that the first one was a really good one and he passed with flying colours. He's also a Hibee. What mine is going to be on next week not really surprising - it's going to be on width just like everyone else has done, but that's mainly due to the fact it's by far the easiest. So aye, good times as this is the sort of thing I'm interested in doing so hopefully I'll do well in mines next week.

I am going to get new reading glasses so I can wear my contact lenses more often and to college etc - until I saw the fucking price - £70! I will go for them if I get my travel expenses through but I'll be reluctant.

Few things to do in the week coming up. Going to see Gillian on Saturday as it stands - really want to see her and hopefully we'll spend the day together so it should be good. Next Tuesday I'm off to see if I can do some volunteering for ChildLine, really hope as it is something which I'd like to do sometime, just need to wait and see. Next Thursday is my heart scan at Monklands, not sure what to expect. Hopefully I've just been my negative self and they'll be nothing wrong with me - just need to wait and see I suppose. And of course next Friday is my birthday! the absolute diabolical age of 17. I mean, why? What's the fucking point in being 17? It will be so shite. Can't do anything, and you're now not considered a child anywhere so you need to pay fully whack for everything. Pointless. Still, only a year until I can legally start to kill myself so in that time I'd have hopefully be half decent at the guitar.

That'll do for now x

Hair dying/colouring/shading/'being a pure ned'/thingy

2010-01-14T17:56:00.002Z

For some reason I've decided my hair is shite so I'm going to dye my fringe dark blue. Mightnight Blue, to be precise.

Why? Well, read the last sentance, but to be honest I'd just like another wee bit about me which is different from everyone else, even though it really isn't nessesary. I'll be due a slagging but what's new? Mind you, it would be more about the colour rather than the actual concept of what I've actually done. You really know you live in Cumbernauld when that happens - if I were to dye it green then I'd be hailed a local hero (see what I did there?)

So Monday is the big day. The responsibility lies with my old best mate who dye his own hair and after seeing a few of his attempts, not his recent effort but he tells me it's a rather success, but generally it's a decent job. Free too, and he's also bleeching it for us, added bonus.

What will other folk think? Christ knows. Don't really give a shit either, people who know me will know what I'm all about and the like so they understand the rather bizzare things I say or do, this included.

Strangely, my maw and dad don't seem too bothered about it, which suits me fine. Maybe now they've started to let me go on and 'dae hings' myself, and they've let me go to Macclesfield too (well I was going regardless, this time I just chose the option to actually tell them instead of getting out the list of the latest films coming out in the cinema.)

Monday it is. Pics will be up when it's done. If I die in some way or form, just imagine me with a blue fringe ;)

Caio!

Subject A

2010-01-05T21:30:00.004Z

So I'm back onto requests now as I'm starting to become a pretty lazy bastard to come up with my own rants, just to tick things over for now. So after recently talking to my best friend Kelly-Anne and she suggested I did a rant on her, I suppose it opens up a new lease of opportunity as regards to blogs. So now, upon request, I'll do a 'Personal Profile', if you like, on yourself. Pending of course if I think you're a bit of a tosser or not.

So anyway, here's one to kick things off with: Kelly-Anne Johnston.

Kayjee and myself go back a couple of years now, and we knew each other really from a mutual friend (well I say mutual, none of us haven't spoken to him in over a year now nor we do we know he's ever alive these days, sorry Kev if you happen to be reading. BOAT). And I guess we just became friendly after that. It did come to a point where just over two years ago we actually tried to take it a step further, but you won't be surprised to hear I fecking everything up again.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that as if it's the fucking norm, well it is kinda, but I'm not really proud of it. I really should change but as someone who is very independant and is extremely different to everyone else as a person, I wouldn't want to change "me". But enough of that for the moment, I'm not a selfish cunt and I am going off on a tangent here. This is Kelly-Anne's time so I'll rabbit on about her for the remained of this entry.

So we kinda lost contact for a wee while, for whatever reason apart from the one above I don't know, but that's how it came to pass. It didn't stick though and soon enough we're back to our old ways of rabbiting on the phone and talking nonsense, sometimes drunkingly, although I've recently imposed a drinking ban on myself but I doubt that'll last. It's funny actually, I tried really hard not to drink on New Years Eve, but a two hour phone call to Kelly-Anne (she was 'doing her hair' that entire period, christ!) and I couldn't resist it as I knew she was going out with her other half and his family to get rat arsed. I only had 6 bottles (of beer), but I suppose it's still cheating. Also did something that night which I'll never forget, but that's irrelevent here and I won't release details of it anywhere else either.

So aye, that's us. A really good pal to have, and one I really don't think I'll lose, which is the main thing. Not like one of they back stabbers who poke their noses in and destroy their mates relationships, eh lads ;)

Caio! xx

Twitter

2010-01-03T01:01:00.002Z

Back to the rants after a fairly sobering last couple of blog entries!

Now, twitter.. it really has gripped the world, hasn't it? Fuck about every cunt has it now, infact, it may be the first and only thing celebs, rich and posh folk outnumber the neds in regards to who use a social networking site.

And the amount of characters you can use for a tweet is 140? why, that's fuck all! the point is to get decent amount of info out to folk..

So eh, aye I'll just enable twitter onto this blog..

Ronseal

2009-12-29T15:27:00.004Z

Chris Dewar in 2009

Great, Magnificent, Shite

A lifetimes worth of feelings in a year

It's January, and I have now left school. Couldn't be more happy - had most of January off and I will start college a couple of days shy of my 16th birthday. Bring it on. And so it begins; my induction where I meet the folk I'll be classmates with for the next 6 months at least. First impressions are good; I'm pretty quiet but that was to be expected given I was by far the youngest however everyone was pretty polite and pleasant so that was a good change from school. And so it began, the next day I was in the thick of it and the course began, first day in we all got to know each other a wee bit and did some basketball, was good. Then for the next day we had to prepare our first lesson plans for a couple of rely races. Everyone was dreading it, no more so than myself given I didn't know anyone and I was quite nervous, but they were pretty short lived actually as I delivered my session which got some pretty decent feedback. This was the Friday so the weekend had arrived and I was in good spirits, got along with the new classmates and I generally felt good about life at that moment. So the day later and I was back to my usual self - at the Clyde game. We were away to Dundee, and as per our bus goes to the pub a couple of hours before kick off for the obvious swally. I guess I took full advantage of the £2 offer of a half pint and a vodka and coke so ended up blotto walking to the ground. How we all managed to get in past the scum that is the Dundee polis, we'll never know. But we were there. Even in the ground it was a mystery we stayed to the end - I was trying to put the flag up at the front of the stand right in line with the police, and it was clear I was rather struggling this very easy task for, erm, some reason. Eventually I got it tied and was away back up the stand to see the game. Of course we lost 2-0, and all packed up and headed back for the bus. The bus back - mainly a blur. We sang quite a few songs, and someone brought on a bottle of very strong drink - what I can't remember, but by the time we reached the Farm I was out of it. Stupidly, I took the flag with me and didn't leave it to one of the others which would have been the sensible thing to do. Myself and Kevin decided to walk about 7 miles to Kilsyth for a few more drinks, and the inevitable happened - I lost the flag. To this day I don't know where it is, somewhere between Croy and Kilsyth. So we went past the Spar at Croy to get a few bottles for the walk and we met Clinton who came with us. 1 corner, 1 fucking corner was all we needed to walk when the police had to drive past, with us there bottles in hand. So that was it, pulled and fined. £40 fixed penalty notice - my first ever communication with the police. Mother wasn't best pleased naturally and my dad didn't talk to me for about a week after it. That was on the 31st, last day of the month and two days after my birthday.

February, March, April and May were pretty much non events - just my usual self really; going to college, and going to Clyde games.

June however was the start of a very beautiful thing for me. Right at the start of the month was time I started to Gillian, and we pretty much clicked from day 1. Looking back it was really quick; within about a fortnight we'd met and declared that we liked each other, which was really nice. I'm a pretty sentimental chap but being honest I liked her straight away. Things went great from here, we met a couple of more times and I met her parents and family who are all very nice. Just went from strength to strength and it was by far the best time of my life.

This carried on through July and quite a bit of my summer was spent with Gillian, and from here I really started to look at my priorities, as I eventually plucked up the courage to ask her out on the 25th and she said yes - probably the happiest I've ever been. Season was upon us too, although this was something not really on my mind at that moment.

August now and just after the first week we had Peterhead away on opening day, I however had another engagement with Gillian's sisters 21st. I'm not going to say what happened that night, though. We broke up not too long after that and it really was the worst I've ever felt. This pretty much set the scene for September, October and November and December. You can see for yourself in another one of my blog entries another bit of tough news.

So to summarise; it started well, carried onto the best times of my life, straight into the worst. Although I may have not wrote a lot for a years efforts; it really has been quite a year on my emotional state, and this will carry on.

Chris Dewar in 2010

2010 - Things to Look Forward To?

Your having a fucking giraffe, right?

Now we have entered a New Year, a New Decade, so what is there for Chris Dewar to look forward to?

At this very moment, not a lot.. I still miss Gillian like nothing else so I'm feeling quite shite as I struggle to overcome my own self depression, but maybe time will heal that. Then again, maybe not.

On the happy side? I'm going to Macclesfield in February to see Shrewsbury :) Really looking forward to it. College is going well, will at least last the first year and collect the HNC. What that will get me in life - probably fuck all, but I'll collect that at least. Cards on the table - I want to move. Simple as that. I'm at the stage at my life where my emotional state is very vulnerable, and now it feels like I'm going fucking no where in life.

The harsh reality is though, I'm probably not going anywhere. I'm use to with facing reality - but I really can't be fucked anymore. I'll just need to wait and see I suppose, what little nasty surprise will life throw at me next?

Malcolm Middleton

2009-12-18T21:53:00.002Z

Legend!

Defo going to try some of his stuff when I get my new guitar. Not anyones cup of tea really but I really like his lyrics. There, erm, well make your own mind up.

http://www.malcolmmiddleton.co.uk/

Clyde FC - The Only Way Is Up?

2009-12-02T16:32:00.003Z

If you asked me that a fortnight ago I'd happily laugh at your face - although now I'm not too sure.

Brown leaving is just the thing we needed - if not completely unexpected. I think just about every Clyde fan took it upon ourselves that we would be stuck with him for the next 18 months. Thankfully now that's not the case - and John McCormack has the job until the seasons end at least. If you think about it - who would have been better for the job? Cowboy is the first gaffer since Graham Roberts that has went into the Clyde dressing room with any managerial experience at any decent level. Right now that's what we need - experience.

Let's not get carried away - we're still in the shit. We're bottom of the league and we play second bottom at home this Saturday - a must win. But I'm fairly confident that McCormack won't let us down by doing the same mistakes as Brown did - it would be hard to be that incompetent really. If we stay up this season by hook or by crook, then none of us can complain. This brings me onto my next point;

The board are currently in talks with the Supporters Trust about restructuring Clyde FC to a members owned club. There's an AGM tonight actually which will ask some questions as to why of the change - I think to most of the fans though it's plain to see the club needs to go in a new direction to survive - simple as that. The club needs gutted from top to bottom. At the end of January the CDC, Supporters Trust and the current Clyde Board will meet again and put their proposals forward.

So really - restructuring of the club and getting rid of the manager who was killing us. Have we just got ourselves a double-whammy? As far as I'm concerned, if everything smooths it's way over the this restructuring things works then the only way really is up. It can't really get much worse to be honest..

Depression

2009-11-29T23:25:00.003Z

Well, it is Sunday night after all.

So, depression... one of they things in life some people go through. You know, the ones who take their life seriously enough to be bothered about stuff..

I'll tell ye right now I'm always depressed. 24/7. Depressed at football, college, failed relationship and just life in general. I don't need anyone to tell me otherwise - I ain't gonna be anything big in life. Why should I? I'm just one of about 5,000,000 Scots, what makes me so special?

I have no special ability - I got pretty awful grades in school exams, I'm on a pretty drab dead end college course that will lead to fuck all probably, I'm 16 living in a dump and I'm surrounded by people who some of the time I can't call friends. Is this my fault? Am I just too naive to tell them to fuck off and make new friends? Am I just a complete walk over? Or am I just too scared to move on as myself?

That last one is probably the only one I know the answer for sure. I feel I made the right choice in leaving school 12 months ago - there was nothing I hated more than school and everyone in it and I'll be honest, if I had to go back I'd have probably committed suicide. I guess people just don't understand how much depression can get to folk. They see it as a temporary mood - a time to look back and feel sorry for themselves and just live in regret. They are normally the people who don't care much in life except just getting through the day and enjoying them self - not that I'm saying their wrong, we all can do whatever we want to. Some people just want to sit and be depressed - no harm in that.

"Being depressed is one thing, having Depression is totally different"

There's a quote you often hear. I've never suffered depression as an illness people say it is, and they proclaim that having depression is a lot worse than being depressed. Well, as someone who is often depressed, I can't imagine what having depression would feel like. The outcome doesn't look good, most of the time. It often leads to suicide and/or serious harm to ones self. I can't say for sure if I'll ever will commit suicide, but all I can tell you is being depressed can lead to suicide on it's own - I can tell you that. What I can't tell you is how having depression can lead to suicide/serious harm to ones self, but if it's a lot more serious than being depressed, then it's something I won't wish on anyone.

Maybe I'm just talking bollocks, I've love to hear from folk who have lived with depression, but yeah you guessed it, I'm just depressed right now.

Life update - not to be missed !

2009-11-27T15:21:00.002Z

Last week has to be on the strangest I've ever had. I mean, it was just weird!

In case you never knew I have something called Marfan Syndrome, it affects the eyes, the heart and the bones/joints. So far it's claimed 3/4 of my eyesight, makes my body physique the way it is and the like. So aye it's been pretty harsh on me, but most of that happened when I was a wee boy. So the last week or so I've started to looking into it a bit more - particularly the heart side of things.

I have been doing a Sports Course for a year now which is quite intensifying, I play 5's on Mondays and have the odd kick about now and again. I also go out running very regularly - sometimes nearly as 10k at a time. Bare this in mind for a wee second

Now, as regards to the heart, I've found out I could be at high risk of something called "aortic dissection". This basically means, through intense physical activity, my aorta could enlarge to dangerous lengths and burst through the three layers, causing blood to flood out like Broadwood on Saturdays. I'll bleed to death, to put it bluntly.

Back to the eyes; I've always known that if I receive a head knock of any serious nature, as I've got a dislocated lens in my good eye, that would basically just capitulate and I'd go blind altogether.

So aye, not the most exciting thing to read about your health, is it? So what do I do? Just give up college and the things that I'm half qualified to do? I have shit school grades, I have no job, barely any prospects.

But..

My cousin Andrew came up from London last weekend and I went up and seen him, see how he was getting on etc. He owns his own business in Plumbing and Heating down in London (see here) and he's said that if I'm ever stuck there's wee jobs I could do, such as answers phones, taking card payments and so on. For a half decent wage too (£6.50 an hour at least in London - not the best but better than a kick up the arse) and I'd share a flat with him and his wife so I would save a wee bit on rent.

In light of the news above, that could just be the break I'm looking for. I've always wanted to move to London, mainly because there is no jobs here and the fact I hate living in Scotland now and most of the folk in it. But it ain't as simple as that - moving country at 16, starting again, having to meet new people and making new friends etc. I suppose it isn't as bad as say, being forced to move in the middle of a job/school/college (the latter applies to me but I could give that up, as I don't think I'll ever make it to a decent level, but that's another issue.)

So what is keeping me here; knowing I could die at any moment if I continue to do with I do on a daily basis and the fact I could actually do what I want to in my future (move to London)?

The answer; my ex girlfriend. I still hold out some hope that she'll take me back one day, and I think I owe it to her to try as I lost her so easily. Suppose that just sums up how much I miss her, I'll still battle on and try to make it up to her. I told her I'd never leave her, and so I'll stick by that, as that's the least she deserves. That's the only thing keeping me here really - not that I'm saying that in a bad way, I'd never consider leaving if I was still with her but as things stand I'll see the year out and then I'll have to make some big decisions..

So um, how was your week?

Studying

2009-11-10T22:15:00.000Z

Yep, you've guessed it, at this moment I should be studying (well, not exactly, but I do have a lesson plan to be getting on with)

I think it's fair to say when you're in full time education doing a course of any kind it pretty much dawns from the start that you need to study in some way along the line. Be it at school or whatever. If you're like myself, I never studied once in school. I had no real motivation to do so, and I got to where I wanted by myself and no real work so looking back it wasn't really important. Now I'm in college though it's getting really hard. I've failed three exams so far, although I do have re sits for all three thankfully. I did do a bit of studying for all, a hell of a lot more than I did at school, I guess I just don't know it too well. Anantomy is the biggest worry, Muscular System particularly. Crossbridges, Motor End Places, hypertrophy?? I mean christ, give us a chance. I'll admit I was abysmal at Biology, and I even sat the wrong exam in school for it (semi intensional, I was more interested to see what the Int 1 Chemistry paper was like as I felt I had a better chance of passing that - they never told me if I did for anyone interested, to my disapointment)

So, just how do you study; Do you just sit there and read notes and hope it sticks, do you get someone to ask you questions about it and remember it that way? Are you so smart that you don't need to study at all? Do you put postits around the house with wee notes to remember stuff? Do you lock yourself in your room with only notes so that you are physically forced to revise?

Answers on a post card please

The importance of football in ones' life

2009-10-31T23:28:00.003Z

I've always loved football. Born with a family of Rangers fans, it seemed strange that I would choose Celtic to be my 'team'. Or so I thought. Truth is, I only went to one or two games in that period. I only said I supported Celtic because I was asked in Primary One and everyone said Celtic - so I followed suit. This didn't last very long though. Soon i was whisked away to Broadwood by my mate David who was a ball boy and gave me a free ticket. I was hooked from day one.

So I've been going for 12 years in total. I've seen it all - wins, defeats, humpings, relegation, promotion, championship, one win from the SPL, cup final, cup heroics and humiliations. From beating Celtic in the cup to losing to Fraserburgh in the came competition - I've seen it all. Or at least I though I did. This era - John Brown - is the worst it's ever been. Not just for myself, but for nearly every other Clyde fan. Take Gordon Nesbitt - on the Clyde Trust board. Been a fan all his life - 50, 60 odd years. Today after defeat at Alloa - despair taken to new levels. It tells you all you need to know.

Personally, I am so close to chucking it altogether. For the foreseeable future anyway - until John Brown leaves. Hopefully with the Dunn's and Ian Letham in tow. But it won't happen for another what, 18 months at least? Give me strength. How any football club, no wait, business, can fuck up the way Letham and co have. It's sad, it really is. And the fans? Those that keep the club afloat? Don't get a look in. Not one thing. It's a fucking disgrace. The football fan these days are closed off as it is, but at Clyde it's gone to ridiculous levels. The list is endless of problems at Broadwood, and it's too late to mention them all. But it really is sad to see where the club has gone. Down the fucking tubes.

So I'll pose the question again; how important is football in the persons life? For me? At the very moment, I couldn't give a shit about football anymore. But that's a gut reaction to what the situation at Clyde is at the moment, but really, watching Sky Sports News today it was sad reading. But as I'm growing up I'm realising it's not all champagne and skittles - recent break up with the girlfriend, this, new career things etc.. it's all shite. But the only way is up, because to be brutally honest, it can't get much worse..

Commitment; where does it end?

2009-10-23T18:38:00.004+01:00

In all walks of life there is commitment, from whatever it is.

Whether it is a relationship, football team, country, gang, family, whatever, my question is; where does it end?

A few years ago I thought I would never stop supporting Clyde. Daft I know, it's only a football team, but nowadays, I'm sad to say Clyde are becoming less important as the days go by. Being nearly killed by John Brown and the Ian Letham doesn't help, but I am missing games in droves now because it neither has value for money, it's starting to get to the stage of value of commitment.

As we grow older, we all change and start to move on. To me, that's the key point. Our priorities change, our lifestyle and our thoughts change. And we begin to question the commitment. me for example, when I was with my ex girl friend, I missed two games Clyde to be with her, before hand that was totally unheard of. But as I'm getting on, I'm experiancing a lot more and now while it would hurt and hurt badly for nostalgia purproses - if Clyde went bust I would have cared less now than I would have say a year or two ago.

I'm at the period of life when growing up is in rife and I'm descovering new walks of life every two minutes, and some adults may read this and think I'm a total fruitcake, but I'm only telling it how it is from a mature 16 year old perspective. I'll no doubt have a whole new viewpoint in say 10 years time when I'm a fully fleged adult, but right now it's all changing.

Another example to finish off; Scotland. I loved Scotland, and I still do. I use to despise England, and then I grew maturity and now I don't in the slightest (well, apart from the English football media...) Now though, I want to move out. Apart from college, there is nothing keeping me here. I want a change of scenery and the likes, see the world. Maybe in the near future though, here's hoping :)

Relationships

2009-10-23T17:41:00.005+01:00

I am no marriage councilor or anything like that, but here's my take on a pretty important factor in life.

I'm not the most insightful person in the world when it comes to relationships. In fact, I've only had one girl friend in my entire life, and at that, we lasted around a month or so. But I do have a few opinions and at least some experience from the teenage camp if you like, and from a strictly mature point of view.

If I was a wanker, I would be ranting personally about my ex girl friend and spilling all sorts of details about, but I'm not, so therefore I'm not going to. I will however reveal some things that happened in the relationship.

To begin with, we lived miles away. I live in Cumbernauld, she lives in Kilmarnock (around 30-40 miles for those who don't know). We were/are both teenagers, who are in full time education, so the only realistic time for us to see each other is at the weekends, and I have my priorities on the Saturday.... so yeah, pretty much up against it. But we persevered. Until I made an arse of it, totally ignoring her problems and that was that. End of it all.

I did learn a lot from it; first time's always the worst. I'm still hurting, I still think of her every day and I still miss her loads. I am moving on, slowly, but still always holding out that glimmer of hope - bit like Clyde really, shows how little it is! ha ha, it takes patience, and lots of it. Commitment, time, effort. Biggest thing is trust, particularly from my experience, if you don't have it, worse thing is to drag it on.

Cheating.... now there's another big bastard of an excuse for it all to go tits up. I could never cheat, not saying that to be like "aw am the best boy friend in the world", I'm far from it, but cheating's just pointless. I would have to be in pretty much love to be with the person I would be with, and with me being my modest self, I could never do it. I wouldn't have the baws to do it in fact. Even if I liked both. Just not for me.

I'll put this up as it is, will no doubt edit and add more later...

Post Night Out Shenanigans

2009-10-18T13:29:00.004+01:00

More about the late-ness (or the lack of) of trains on a Saturday night.

T'was at an 18th last night through in Alexandria, Dumbarton, and by the fucking train times it would mean I'd have to have left at 22:25 to get the last train from Glasgow to Croy so I could get home. Add to the fact we didn't arrive until about half 8 it would be a very quick night for me. Just decided to phone my dad when I wanted to get picked up, which was nice of him. Didn't end up leaving until about half 1 as I staggered up the Rugby Club to the main road watching about a thousand taxi's go back, all stopping thinking I'm waiting for one.

Back to the rant itself, I mean, they would make a fair whack if they did trains until, say, 2 in the morning. Scotland is a nation of severe alcohol mentalists, where quite a lot of folk go out to get pished. Myself included. For more in depth about this see the last post. But aye, obviously give the train drivers a wee bung for staying up so late, but having the last train at 23:48 is a bit poor.

And don't get me started on taxi's.. I hate them, tbh. Robbing bastards. Maybe I'm just a tight arse, but a taxi from Queen Street to Cumbernauld is a score, even if we were dividing it between two or something, a tenner is a bit much. Like I say, maybe I'm just a tight arse, but I am a student. A fucking skint one at that. I'd rather spend money on drink than a fucking taxi.

As Gavin Brown once said; "Raff, you go to Clyde away games with £2.41" - well, it's hard to disagree unfortunately.

Alcohol; Alcoholism, The environments in which it is consumed and the fascination surrounding it.

2009-10-16T23:01:00.002+01:00

This is a rant by Paul Cannon, his actual blog entry so apologies for hoovering it, but I have to comment on it. Paul's comments are in Red, mines are in Blue

I found it difficult to construct continuous prose which didn't suggest a furious rant. Sorry if it comes across as so.

Your typical human being will be introduced to alcoholic beverages at a relatively young age. I can't confess to having knowledge of the thoughts of anyone whom may be reading this entry but at first I personally disliked the taste of alcohol regardless of which of its multifarious guises it presented itself in. Be that a beer, spirit or a wine. Whatever. The phrase 'acquired taste' comes to mind quickly. I've always felt that description papers over what would otherwise be a contradiction in terms. It would seem to suggest that one must consume a certain quantity of a particular tipple in order to find it palatable. Or to superior extent. This is only my, now expressed, introspection but having imbibed a considerable volume of various alcohol centred drinks and indeed finding them more bearable than I did initially, I still prefer the taste of non-intoxicating refreshments. Carbonated soft drinks, fruit juice and what not. The sort of fluids I enjoyed at their first passing of my lips.

I trust nobody is in any doubt of the effects of ethanol ingestion of course. Its renowned ability to impair ones mental and physical faculties. And perhaps this is the allure associated with throwing down such a profusion of the poison. Small scale escapism. If it was something I could comprehend patently I wouldn't be writing this blog. Everybody seems to grow to endorse the booze culture without much, if any, rational basis as far as I can see. As above I have gulped away my fair share of the stuff and yet never experienced anything other than taciturnity, lethargy, maladroitness and general ill-feeling. No euphoria, no sense of special social entwinement. There is little savoir-faire to be attributed with waking up in ones own vomit or going round the doors asking 'What happened last night?". Nor can any glee be derived from the severe disorientation which may proceed of a morning after a round of heavy drinking.

It's difficult to identify any pros to alcoholism. If it were the case that the surroundings or environments in which pertaining liquids are sold were exceptionally pleasant, peaceful and accommodating then I would view that as some token like redemption. As those three qualities would certainly seem to inhibit socialisation in ordinary circumstance sure. By and large though pubs and clubs run with themes starkly contrasting. Most venues tend to be over-populated, offensively loud and in their pricing structures exorbitant. Least on a Friday and Saturday night. I am generalising with the afore but even if a haven from it all were found it doesn't reconcile the vice.

I implore your comment.

Paul, you fur a lager?

Galaxy Radio

2009-10-16T13:35:00.000+01:00

I was a Clyde 1 man myself but now I am fully transfered to Galaxy, 106.5 fm

I mean, it actually plays music. Clyde 1 just talks and talks and talks and talks, then a break, then talks et el. This station actually plays music that folk listen too, it's smashing.

What a shite rant eh? Truth be told, I'm bored and need some new material. I suppose I should do a 750 word report I need to do but it's too warm for that.

Improvements will be made, I promise. x

Україна сифікацію

2009-10-16T13:07:00.000+01:00

Before I start, I am 100% Scottish, British, and I do not have any links at all with Ukraine or any Ukrainian citizen.

For some reason I am quite jealous that I am not Ukrainian. Couple of things for this..I am a keen follower of Dynamo Kyiv. The best team in Ukraine, none of this shite from Shakhtar who are bankrolled by a serial millionaire and still can't finish top. Quite sad really - they think that beating us in the semi's of the Uefa Cup last season they are better - meanwhile we ran away with the league. Again.

One of the icons also players for Dynamo. The forward maestro is a goal machine, his name, Artem Milevskiy. What a character.

Names, there's another reason. Chris Dewar is a bit shit really, something like; Aleksandr Milevskiy, lavv it.

Language in general; they use a different alphabet of course, and I'm intrigued to know how they would pronounce certain stuff.

Last one I can think of right now; the colours. Personally I think Yellow and Blue go well together.

That's about it really.

Oh, and before I go..

Донецький Шахтар 0 Динамо Київ 7 :)

French Teachers

2009-10-16T12:45:00.000+01:00

Bit of a obscure one, this. Requested by the legend that is Ryan Kyle.

Ryan believe French Teachers are, and I quote, "a hate them with a passion." Myself though, believe they are good people.

I did French for four years at school, and the teachers I had for the last two, the godsend that is Tony Hammill. I mean, this guy was terrific: He would walk in at the start of the period, speed walk up to his desk, pick up his mug and do a U-turn and go straight back out the class, and would not be seen again for the rest of the period. It was genius. Even then, when he was in the class, it was equally as brilliant. The thing about our Tony is, apart from the fact he could speak fluent in four different languages (English, French, Italian, German), was his ability to look up a dictionary, fast. And I mean REALLY fast. He tried every week to get us to be able to look up a French dictionary like him, but it was impossible. The guy in general is a bit eccentric, but by fuck could he look up a dictionary quickly.

The other thing he would do that we couldn't is when he would finally stop doing marathon's across the front of the room, he would pull a table to the middle and sit on the edge, and would then cross his legs right over, physically, RIGHT over. I mean, that takes guts. Even in a private enviroment I wouldn't try that unless I was totally mangled. But to openly accomplish it in a vicinity of where you are the most likely to get the pish ripped out you - Mr Tony Hammill - I salute you.

Then there would be the time when the folio pieces and the tests and what not came, and he would be our lifeline. We were all dreadful at the subject, make no bones about it - I've just about forgot all French I've learned (honnêtement). The fact is, we didn't need to know it. When the test went underway, every time Tony would pop up and give us an answer, or a technique that would be perfect to use. Every time he delivered without fail. (no pun intended)

It wasn't only the teacher that made the subject great, the folk in the class too were banterful. Star of the show; big Ryan Boyle. Perminantly moved from his seat to the top left corner, at every opportunity he would swing in his chair, comedy gold every time. I can just here it now "RYAN!" Tony would bellow, sending the class into sniggers. Either that, or he would slouch, even funnier responses this time. "Sit up Ryan!" and the outcome was always the same too - he'd be sent out. Every single time. We all buggered about, couple of the girls wouldn't stop turning round and talking, I had to put up with Liam's truely abysmal wind up attempts regarding Clyde, Gary and Ross talking non stop. Just so fun to be there, by far the most enjoyment in school, no doubt about it.

Vive Tony ..

Milngavie Area "Come Dine With me"

2009-10-15T13:20:00.000+01:00

I was just on MSN, chatting to my friends, ye know how it is. Then my mate Jon, who supports "them" (Partick Thistle for all you Old Firm gloryhunters out there) suggested quite frankly the best idea since John Brown played all eleven players in their correct positions (that's never happened, just so avoid confusion).

So, him and his pals have decided to perform their own version of "Come Dine With Me". Now, Jon is 16, and I imagine his pals are roughly the same age. Sixteen years olds are not ment to cook, particularly boys, and with me knowing our Jon, I would love to watch this. You can imagine it, can't you? Jon talking to the camera in his kitchen about how to cook a box of micro chips, as he glances to his laptop to see his Wycombe Wanderers side have scored a late equaliser in an away fixture to Swindon Town before running over to the laptop leaving the microwave on to blow the kitchen and all it's occupants into orbit.

Either that, or the local chippy is going to be quids in..

Arbroath 0-3 Clyde

2009-10-15T12:39:00.000+01:00

So, the third game of the season I miss (other two due to my ex girlfriend, horrific excuses I know but c'mon..) and we win by three goals away from home since that day we humiliated Thi*tle at Firhill. The thing is, I was going to go as well. Being the mad bastard I am, I was going to get the train before realising I would need to leave half way through the second half to get the last train home. The Castlemilk bus was an option, but I phoned up and the bus was full. I just ignored the train in the end, I thought we would get pumped. Alas no, we humped them.

With a phone call to the magnificent, clean spoken, Graham Speirs esq. fellow Clyde fan Paul Cannon at HT/FT, soon made me feel as if I was at Gayfield myself.

Willie Sawyers scored twice, our "42 goals a season in the juniors" showing how useful he could be. Keep it up son, we fucking need you.

Calum Reidford - what a character. On Saturday he made some terrific saves, and apart from his moment of madness at Dumbarton where he decided to headbutt on their players when we were 2-0 up away from home (ended 3-3), he hasn't let us down. In fact, he's been our most consist ant performer. At Clyde we've been blessed with good keepers over the years; Scott Howie, Bryn Halliwell, David Hutton and you could go as far back as Joe Atoll (I think, conformation would be great).

So, Clyde are off bottom, for now. 3 wins out of 4. Where did that come from? Answers on a post card. Well, if you like, the one with Ian Angus scoring against Rangers in the Scottish Cup in 1995, I have it somewhere, it's a very nice picture. Nah, the answer is John McCormack. What a breath of fresh air Cowboy is, he knows what to do, something the clown who is in charge doesn't. All praise to McCormack please, he is the one who's organising the boys and getting things sorted and shouting the instructions. Keep it up big man.

And John, RESIGN!

Ciao, Raff x

Sluts

2009-10-15T12:01:00.000+01:00

A request from our very own Gemma, who loves rants and wanted me to do one on sluts. So here it is.

Cumbernauld is full of them. Wee sluts like your schoolies, the 15 year olds who strutt about in wee mini skits and hang about corners waiting to pounce on the nearest virgin to end their angonising wait. I can also confirm speculation that J.Henderson is yet to be a victim. It's only a matter of time though, surely..

But it's like, folk go out of their way (that's twice in two rants I've said that, must do better Raff) to shag someone, it's like collecting stamps or something. I'd use a "myself and Clyde" comparasing there, but that would make me out to be like the fucking King of Playboy.

I dunno, maybe I'm too sinicle for that kinda stuff, but it ain't for me. If you want to shag anything that moves, by all means, ronseal. Infact it's probably good for you. What you reckon lads; go to the gym and use a exercise bike or go to the park and ride on the bikes there (fnarr), has to be a no brainer, surely? Holes' er goal n aw that.

Ciao, Raff x

Running

2009-10-15T11:34:00.000+01:00

So, here's the first rant in the return.

It's about running. Free running I'm talking about - those who run freely to lose weight, or just do it for the sake of it, or for their own relief/to diminish boredom (I fill in here).

Couple of things here. First one is on music while running.. Now, folk say listening to music whilst running helps a lot, I'm indifferent. For the first time actually, on Tuesday there I ran a custom 10k in a wee route I've marked out (I finished in 55:57 for anyone interested, pretty naff but I'll explain more in a minute). For someone who listens to Coldplay, you would know it isn't the happiest of stuff in the world, but I didn't listen to Coldplay this time, no! This time it was a wee mixture of Tommy Reilly and Kasabian. Mainly because they were on a play list that I forgot to change before I set off and therefore I couldn't change it. But never mind. It didn't really help in the slightest. Kasabian possibly helped, but Tommy did not. I spent the time when Tommy was on daydreaming about actually playing the guitar rather than looking ahead, and of course me being me, I proceeded to run right into a wee sleeket puddle to blacken my already bashed trainers. Hardest thing for me when running (especially a 10k or any longish distance) is to keep concentrated and focused, I seldom nearly fall asleep actually, especially when it's dark. It can be quite boring.

Next wee rant is about people whilst running. It's a pathway, yes, you are allowed to walk on it like I am allowed to run on it, but please, don't be a dick and not move just 2 foot to one side so I can zoom past you and you can be jealous because you are 68 years old and cannot run. It's perfectly simple. I mean, I even say a wee "Cheers" (if I'm not on the verge of kneeling over) when I pass if it's a successful overtake. Lewis Hamilton take note. I suppose in contrast, some people do get out of their way (boom tish!) to step aside and let me pass, you can see it in their faces as you approach. It's quite heart warming, actually.

And to finish with running, on Tuesday I found to my cost the the effects of running with tight boxers. Seriously, it's like a wean trying to eat paper. Not good.

It's nice to be back ranting. Stay tuned for more random shite!

Ciao! Raff x

Welcome

2009-10-14T23:19:00.000+01:00

Raff's Rants was first up and running in 2007 but was failed to be updated and so was, well, shite.

Now it's the return with the promise of more of your favorite rants from the most unluckiest person in the world - Raff.

Caio! x